PAIRS: Jumpstart!
Pairs Jumpstart is a program that quickly and efficiently acquaints participants with the key starting points of the acclaimed PAIRS program. PAIRS JUMPSTART addesses the fundamental relationship skills of Confiding, Complaining, Clarifying, and Concluding (reaching resolution together). This skill-based workshop is the launching point for resolving relationship tangles and fostering intimacy.
CONFIDING – The quest for intimacy begins with understanding the Logic of Love and the importance of combining emotional openness with physical closeness. These are essential ingredients of Bonding, the heart of intimacy. Participants learn to create a safe arena for intimate exchange. The learn the PAIRS Relationship Roadman and then practice the Leveling Style of Communication, the Congruent Talking Position, and the Daily Temperature Reading.
COMPLAINING – John Gottman’s extensive research (Why Relationships Succeed or Fail) showed that the strongest predictor of happy lasting relationships is a couple’s ability to complain and to listen to complaints in such a way that partners can hear the concerns and actually adjust their behavior to be more gratifying. JUMPSTART participants use The Dialogue Guide and Empathic Share Meaning, unique PAIRS Tools, to say what needs to be said, one’s truth, in safety and completeness.
CLARIFYING – Hidden expectations arise from natural and learned differences and unchecked assumptions about the other’s meaning and intent. Unclarified assumptions create miscommunication, hurt, and intimacy-killing defensiveness. The PAIRS Mind Reading exercise provides a first step back from the brink of such confusion. Participants also gain the ability to recognize, understand and untangle Love Knots. Learning to recognize and untangle Love Knots is a PAIRS Power Tool for correcting destructive assumptions and restoring love.
CONCLUDING – Couples have a devastating tendency to react defensively to one another’s defensive reactions. One defensiveness feeds the other wich in turn feeds the first. In PAIRS this is called the Emotional Allergy Infinity Loop. “Here we go again!” is the feeling of sliding into an unending cycle of anger, fear, silence, withdrawal, or tears. Emotional Memory leads to Emotional Allergy witch triggers the Revolving Ledger which we then tend to inflict upon our partner. When the Emotional Allergy Infinity Loop begins, intimacy ends. Learning how to interrupt the loop of defensiveness and to conclude it with understanding, care, concern, and empathy for one another’s vulnerabilities is the next step for developing competence in PAIRS. Set sail with us on the Four C’s. Begin your PAIRS voyage toward greater couple closeness and satisfaction. PAIRS is here to help you build a saner, safer, and more loving world for yourselves and for those around you.